Here I am, a year later or more, or less. I lost count. My ambition was dry after I started this page. One post and then lack of self confidence and motivation. Welcome to my life.
Everyday is a new opportunity to start over. Everyday is another chance to retry what we didn’t accomplish yesterday.
I feel like I fail to tell myself this and as a result I guilt myself for not accomplishing what I had set out to do on this day. This is a repetitive cycle I go through, which leads to a never ending cycle of depression that feeds anxiety, that feeds depression.
One of the hardest things for me in my journey through faith in Jesus Christ is forgiveness of myself. The guilt harboring results in more things to feel guilty about, a domino effect if you will.
The Word tells me I am forgiven of all my trespasses and wrong doings through Christ Jesus, but I am tempted daily to feed into the lies of the enemy. These lies being “you aren’t good enough” “you have failed” “you’ve screwed up” all run through my head, and paired with my tendency to fall into a pattern of pushing my bible studies and readings off “until next time” usually ends in disaster.
Let’s be clear, by disaster I mean “I’m overwhelmed and everything seems to be piling up and nothing I’m doing is good enough and I just can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel.” It’s a lot, and then the spiral downward follows.
The funny thing about that “light” at the end of that tunnel is that the light has never been at the end of that tunnel, EVER. That “light” has been right beside me this entire time!!! What?! I KNOW!!
The most freeing thing I have learned about Jesus on my journey through faith in Him is, even though I may wander, He is still right HERE. Every time I wander, every time I turn away and follow the world He meets me right there, right where I am. There He is.
I’m not sure where you are in your faith while you’re reading this, but I can bet God brought you here for a reason. I encourage you to take some time today, tonight, whatever it may be, and just pursue Him. He’s right there.
“And Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12